Matt Damon’s babies

"How could you not want my babies?.."
“How could you not want my babies?..”

My silent countdown towards a hysterectomy started in March 2012 when I had a laparoscopy for suspected endometriosis. The surgeon found plenty of that to burn off and in addition, almost as a side note, mentioned that I had a grade 2 prolapsed uterus. I knew things had not been quite the same after I had my son in December 2008 but I hadn’t expected things to be that bad. Uterine prolapse means that the uterus is falling from its normal position into the vagina and in severe cases can end up outside the body. I am not quite at that extreme yet, thankfully, but not far off. Just in case you were wondering (bet you wish you hadn’t eh?).

With the endometriosis there has always been some pain and it is hard for me to know if the prolapse itself causes any of the back pain or other symptoms I suffer from.  I do feel that the back pain especially has been much worse since the birth of my son. There are a few ways to manage a prolapsed uterus from Kegel exercises to a surgical mesh. As for me, hysterectomy would be the best way to deal with it, according to the surgeon. I could have left it; the pain is manageable, I am not bleeding profusely and to other people there seems to be no obvious issues with my prolapse. I, however, don’t want to live like this. I have a uterus in my vagina. I can sometimes see it. I can SEE my UTERUS. (Do you need a sick bucket?) I don’t feel like seducing my husband or “getting it on” when I know what a mess I am harbouring inside me. You might say my hysterectomy is elective but to me it’s a no-brainer. I am done with my uterus and it seems to be done with me. So – thanks for the good times but it’s best we don’t see each other anymore.

I have two children, 13-year old and a 4-year old and have “completed my family” – I hate that phrase but it seems to be a favourite of the medical profession. I am lucky to have been able to safely carry both of my children to term inside my, now redundant, uterus and for them to be as wonderful, healthy and happy as they are. I don’t feel the need to do it again however.  My surgeon was initially very hesitant about scheduling the operation due to my “young” age but he has come to respect my decision and the fact that I have thought this through. He did ask me if I would change my mind if my husband died (!? Why not just “left you”?) and Matt Damon came a-knocking, saying he wanted me to have his baby. I really should have been more upset about such a patronising, idiotic question but it was so ridiculous that I actually answered him. I told the doctor that if I were to have more children, it would be with my husband whom I love and who is a wonderful father. I personally am not a fan of Matt Damon but would say NO to even George Clooney (though would probably do anything else George asked me to – anything). My decision to not have more children is MY decision. It is not affected by who I am with or any other “external” factors. I should very much wonder about the need to procreate just because I met someone new anyway.

The issue of children is something that we have discussed at length with my husband. My daughter is from my first marriage so P and I only have our son together. He would be open to having more children but realises that the theory is more appealing than the reality. Neither of us is very good with sleep deprivation and to go back to the nappies, buggies and bogies just.doesn’t.do.it.for.me. I have even said that I understand if his desire to have more children is greater than his desire to be with me. But it would not be fair on anyone if I was to have a child just to make him happy. After all, it is the mother who does a lion’s share of the work – initially anyway. So I think we are good, for now anyway. I would not be surprised if this came up again in the future when he plunges into the inevitable existential midlife crisis. I’ll just buy him a car. Or a kitten.

I haven’t told anyone at work about the operation. I had two procedures done last year and I am hesitant to announce another. Maybe I am in denial but I am hoping that I can come back to work within a week from the operation – I work part-time and can pretty much dictate my hours. If coming to the office proves tough then I will just work from home. My operation is planned to be done by using the Da Vinci or, if the surgeon has any hesitation about the robot on the day, laparoscopically by him. I shouldn’t end up with a large abdominal scar in either case so recovery should be swift. I will be having a “total hysterectomy” which means that my uterus and cervix will be removed but the ovaries will be left in place. This should mean that I won’t be hitting menopause yet, though it might start up to a year earlier than it normally would. I’ll pass that bridge when I get to it.

7th of March. That’s the date. Some might say that I will wake up from the surgery less of a woman having lost my uterus. I believe I will be a new, better, woman who can finally get on with her life without worrying about coming back from a run to find a uterus in her knickers (I may exaggerate a little).

7 thoughts on “Matt Damon’s babies

    1. Thanks John! You guys have plenty of crap to deal with too. I remember an old boss telling me about his full medical when he turned 40 – the prostate check was not the highlight apparently though done by a very attractive lady doctor.

  1. good luck. i felt reasonable in a week. certainly i was walking around and doing normal stuff around the house. divinci was really non-invasive, and i am so happy i decided to go that route. i feel like i healed up remarkably fast for having some major organ harvesting. i can’t imagine you’ll not feel loads better after this surgery. the idea of being on running hiatus for six weeks absolutely horrified me, but i was back walking on the treadmill within 2 weeks and on an ellipitcal trainer in 4. it certainly helped me feel less crazy. you’re in good shape yourself, so just stay positive, and heal up. xxx

  2. Thank you m’lovely! That sounds positive – that you felt reasonable in a week! Gives me hope that I won’t be down for too long. They warn you about lifting things, how did you manage to avoid that? Is it seriously so strict that you shouldn’t even lift a pan?
    Organ harvesting… Wow, I have never thought of the hysterectomy in those terms but of course that is what it is.. Those words just stopped me in my tracks for a bit.
    Thanks for your comments and sharing your positive experience – it helps! xxx

    1. i felt like i’d been hit by a car for a couple of days, but once the fog lifted, i was good. moving around and trying to straighten things. i’m not the most patient patient, so i just did what i felt i needed to do to keep myself from going crazy. my husband also had to go back to work within 5 days, so it was sink or swim time anyway. i was home with my youngest son, who is four (same as yours, i think), all day — and really…. what are the options then, but to just man up, and take care of business. he was really the only thing i lifted from time to time. he’s about 35 lbs, and waaaaay over the weight limit. i only lifted him occasionally and when it was absolutely necessary — like say, at the grocery store, and i didn’t feel like chasing him all over the store, so getting him in the cart was priority number one. i lifted him in and back out. probably shouldn’t have, but whatever. the weight restriction i was given was no more than 8 lbs. (i think my chihuahua weighs more than 8 lbs.) i did overdo it one day though, and at the risk of exposing more information than you should want to read — there was a significant amount of blood running down my leg. kiiiinda gross and alarming. apparently, this is how internal stitches are pulled out. mine were getting ready to come out anyway, as i was healing up, and they sort of fall out as you heal anyhow — but…. i aided that process along by lifting my son and carrying him a ways down a hiking trail because he was too tired to walk any further. i imagine if i would have disregarded the advice to carry him around earlier i could have ripped them out when i was still healing, and that would not have been cool at all. my husband had to remind me frequently that there were organs…. removed from my body… ones that were functioning just days before, and perhaps, i should take it a little easier. maybe watch some talk shows. lay around. it’s not my style though. in my case, i had everything taken. ovaries, uterus… the whole kit, so i was waiting to feel absolutely crazy from hormone depletion. i wanted to be busy and distracted. you will still have the benefit of not having to go through that mess. things might be off for a minute, hormone-wise, but they should sort of even out. some women actually feel better in that regard after surgery, if they’ve had issues with their hormones, even if they still have their ovaries. i think you are going to feel fine, love. well, i mean, not immediately…. but sooner than later. i was amazed how well i felt and how soon. i had to be reminded how major my surgery was, because i honestly felt no worse than a normal, terrible period was happening most days. xxx

  3. You sound just as nutty and stubborn as me. 🙂 Yes, my son is also 4 so I don’t really have to carry him around anymore and he is quite good at understanding when he has to be gentle with mummy. But there will always be the kind of lifting you described as well which worries me a bit… I do want to avoid having blood running down my legs if at all possible – ripped stitches – auch! Poor you – that would have freaked me out a bit. By the sound of things you weren’t in too much pain and mainly just hindered by the fact that you weren’t allowed to do stuff to allow the internal healing to take place. And I don’t know you, but you really sounds like me sooo much. You KNOW you should take things slow and rest a bit but “what kind of woman has time to lie around when the kids and the house need looking after”. After my bilateral bunion surgery last year I “popped” to the office a week after the operation – taking the underground. Escalators, stairs the whole shabam. I was on the surgical, heel walking, shoes and crutches but I just needed to make sure all was ok. Looking back that was idiotic and people did stare at me but I felt fine. And I was sick of lying in bed, drugged to my eye balls on Tramadol.
    Thanks for your long reply to the post, you are very inspirational! xx

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