British newspaper The Guardian has launched an online running blog. I have genuinely enjoyed the articles so far, you just have to avoid the comments section unless you enjoy the comments of the highbrow trolls which seem to haunt most comment sections on the Guardian site.
The reason I am referencing this blog is an article/blog/post (not sure what to call it) on the “Disgusting Truth about Running”. I was in giggles and it had me going “yes, yes, yes!” (though not in the orgasmic “When Harry Met Sally” style). So here is my take on the disgusting side of running.
It doesn’t matter if it is August or December, as soon as I start running – so does my nose. My idea of a running disaster isn’t squatting behind bushes doing an emergency poo, it is going out without a tissue. And my top tip here is to avoid actual tissues, they disintegrate almost immediately. I like to keep the tissue in my hand as I run (saves time and hassle as I need to blow my nose about every 3 minutes) and this alone makes it soggy. I use kitchen towels. No, not the fabric – dish drying kind – but the paper ones. Like Plenty. I can get through a 20k run with one sheet alone. They get very very wet and disgusting but stay in one piece. I always have my pockets full of folded squares of these.
I was going to say that like most women, I always complain about my weight but I am sure there are a lot of women out there who don’t. So I wil instead say that I am never happy with my weight. Silly really as I am not overweight and normally don’t suffer from chafing. But oh boy, when I run things are different. I am still in search of the perfect running knickers; cotton is bad as it doesn’t wick the moisture and personally I just don’t get along with thongs. I know some folks are happiest running commando under their tights but I feel safer in knickers. Not sure what I expect to happen when I am not wearing any but I just NEED them – mentally. And no matter what knickers I wear I always end up with chafing in my “lady areas” or butt when I do a long run. I keep forgetting to use Vaseline or similar, mainly as I think it’s icky. I should also take the opportunity to warn you about wearing lace knickers for a 20K run – BAD idea unless you want your undercarriage grated. Lesson learnt. Are there any running knickers out there?
I am also very lazy when it comes to buying sports bras (or any bras for that matter). I have two Nike ones which are snug and comfortable but have practically removed the skin under by boobs.
I don’t like feet, not even the word itself so I will make this quick. There are the blisters and corns of course but my latest ailment was a new one to me. My second toe on the right foot got very painful last week and the nail started to turn black and blue. I thought I had hit it somewhere and that the nail would probably just fall off and that would be that. After a few days I had a light bulb moment; I had a blister UNDER my toenail! Disgusting but true. I took out a needle and poked it under the nail (not as bad as it sounds) and, right enough, managed to drain it. The pain subsided immediately and as the blood came out, the nail turned to a normal colour. I felt like a true bad ass!
“Run, run as fast as you can, you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread Man”
Or Runners Trots, whatever you want to call it. You all know what I am talking about – the cramps, the lurching feeling. The knowledge that you have about 30 seconds to find a toilet or a bush. Well, luckily I have always managed to use a toilet or run home but it has been close. I have had no issues with the GM since I learnt to avoid fibre. This sucks as I love rye bread or crisp bread, but as both of these are guaranteed to send my stomach into convulsions when running they are now firmly off the menu. At least if I have a run the next day.
I was doing one of my early runs once there was a man running in the same direction on the opposite side of the 2-lane road. Even despite the distance, and the fact that I had my headphones on playing music, I heard him fart. Loudly and proudly. Twice. I was glad of the distance..
When I run, I usually go first thing in the morning. No make-up to clog the pores, hair is as it was when I got up and I am sure I look a mess. Especially so after my run when my face goes a lovely mottled red/white shade. Running isn’t pretty. It really isn’t, unless it is depicted in a Nike ad. Do I care? No. I don’t care about any of the snot, chafing or manky feet. Just give me my dose of the Runner’s High and I can deal with it all.